Open (one minute)

• Say: “I’m having the same 10-minute check-in with everyone in the team, about where the pressure is in the work. I’ve got three questions, and if there’s something I can change, we’ll agree it before we finish.”

Question one: the work on their mind (two minutes)

This shows where the pressure sits and which work they cannot put down. The follow-up tells you whose lever it is: a deadline you can move, a brief you can make clearer or a client or team you can chase.

• Ask: “Which piece of work is taking up the most room in your head, even when you’re not working on it?” If they say it’s all fine: “If you had to pick one, which would it be?”
• Then, whatever they name: “What makes that one heavy: the deadline, the people involved or not being clear what’s expected?”
• If it is how someone is treating them: “That needs looking at properly, so I’m going to take it to [your HR contact] and come back to you once I’ve spoken to them.” Then ask whether they want to carry on.
• If it follows them home: “So it’s coming home with you as well. Thanks for saying so, and let’s keep that in mind when we agree a change at the end.”

Question two: what they are waiting on (two minutes)

This shows whether the decisions and information they need are reaching them. If the hold-up is you, put it right and say when: how you take it decides how honest the next answer is.

• Ask: “What are you waiting on at the moment, from me or from anyone else?” If they say they’re not waiting on anything, ask once: “What have you given up asking for because it never seems to arrive?”
• Say back: “That one’s with me, and I’m sorry it’s been sitting there. I’ll get it to you by [day].” Or: “You don’t need my sign-off for that, so go ahead and tell me afterwards.”

Question three: what would give first (two minutes)

This shows who would pay for the load. A deadline or the quality of a piece of work puts the cost on the work, which you can usually move. Their evenings, their sleep or simply “me” puts it on them, so slow down. If they say nothing would give, believe them.

• Ask: “If work carried on as it is, what would give first?” If it is them: “Is any of that already happening?” Then: “How long has it been like that?”
• Then say back: “That matters more to me than any deadline, so let’s stay with it for a minute.” If it is affecting their sleep, their health or getting through the day, turn to “If someone tells you they are not coping”.

Close (one minute)

Agree the change that matters most to them, however small, starting with anything that is coming home with them. If it isn’t yours to make, say who you will take it to; if nothing needs changing, say so. Book the next one in two to four weeks, or within days if they are struggling, and give everyone the employee assistance number, if you have one, so it marks nobody out.

• Say: “So I’m going to [the change] by [day], and I’ll tell you when it’s done. Have I got that right? The next one is in the diary for [date], and if you ever want to talk to someone who isn’t me, this is the number for [your employee assistance programme].”

Your note, once they have gone (two minutes)

• The date, what they said about the work in their own words, the change, whose job it is, when it is due and the date of the next one.
• No health details, labels or guesses such as “seems stressed”. Write it as if they will read it, because people can ask for a copy. Keep it with your one-to-one notes, not appraisal paperwork.
• When the whole team has had one, read all the notes side by side. If the same pressure comes up in several, it is coming from how the work is set up: fix what you can and take the pattern, without names, to whoever owns your stress risk assessment.

What to say

• “I’m glad you’ve told me. Everything else can wait, because this matters more.” Then: “Take your time, and tell me what it’s been like.” Listen without fixing, comparing or reassuring.
• “Is this mostly the work, or is there more going on outside work as well? You don’t have to give me any detail.”
• If anything they say worries you, or you are not sure, ask directly: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” Asking does not put the idea in their head. If the answer is yes, ask: “Are you safe right now?” Then go straight to 2, what counts as urgent: what they say tells you which box you are in.
• If they ask you to keep it to yourself: “I can’t promise to keep this completely to myself, because I want you to get the right help. I won’t repeat it to anyone in the team, and you’ll know who I’m talking to and why.”

What counts as urgent

If you are not sure which of these it is, treat it as the more urgent one.

You cannot make anyone accept help or stay. If they refuse or leave, call 999 if you think their life is at risk; otherwise give them these numbers in writing and check in with them later that day. Either way, tell HR the same day, in facts only. Get support for yourself too.

Who to point them to

• Their GP for anything that has been building up; if it can’t wait, an urgent appointment at the practice. Your employee assistance programme, if you have one: the number itself, written down.
• Samaritans on 116 123, free, any time, day or night, for anyone who wants to talk. The Samaritans Welsh Language Line is 0808 164 0123, free, every day from 7pm to 11pm.
• On the work, change one thing straight away and agree to talk again within a few days.

When to bring in HR or occupational health

• They tell you about a health condition, physical or mental, that is affecting their work. Adjustments may be needed, and whether it is a disability is not yours to judge.
• They tell you the work is causing their stress. Acas advises an individual risk assessment, and HR will know how your organisation does one.
• They are off sick or expect to be, or need changes you cannot make alone, such as to their hours or role.
• The pressure comes from how someone is treating them, (including you) or keeps coming back after your change.